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A Cure To End All Parliamentary Disruption: Music

Picture this. A live band plays near the well of the House.

And once again it’s that time of the year. Monsoon season. And with it the Monsoon session of Parliament. As the rains bring down the temperature of the city, calls of ‘baith jaiye, baith jaiye’ reverberate through the Parliament House. Netas argue, yell. Tuneless, boring slogans are repeated over and over again. Parliamentary proceedings are put on hold as parties fight between themselves. The honest taxpaying population loses Rs 2 crore a day every day that the proceedings are disrupted. But it doesn’t have to be this way. With a little creative thinking, some famed Indian jugaad and a little bit of support from Bollywood, we could turn the situation right around. Disruptions could be used as a way to earn some money for the Indian economy. TRPs of TV channels could be made to go up and Parliament sessions could generate an income.

Picture this. A live band plays near the well of the House. As one of our bahubali male netas walk in, the band strikes up with ‘azeemoshan shahenshah’. For a female neta, they switch seamlessly to ‘aisi dhakad hai, dhakad hai’. The Opposition, instead of screaming insults at the ruling party, breaks into ‘kuch kariye, kuch kariye’ to voice their frustration. The ruling party motivates their leader by singing ‘ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haar ke’. At the entry of a recently defected neta, the band pipes up with ‘dushman na kare dost ne woh kaam kiya hai’. Mummy, Papa, Guddu and Sweety watching at home wait for their favourite songs to come on and sing along with their leaders.

To keep up the quality of the entertainment, election candidates could be selected based on the strength of their vocal cords and their ability to stay in tune. A welcome change from muscle power, vote banks and riches. Not all need to be musical of course. Those lacking musical ability could make up for it with strong lyric writing skills. The oft-empty halls of the Parliament House when parties have walked out to disrupt proceedings could be used to conduct reality shows to select future candidates. With very little additional drama and masala, “Indian MP” could become as popular as “Indian Idol”. Our esteemed Speaker could become our esteemed judge, or even our esteemed anchor, if he or she has the flair to pull it off. CDs, DVDs and merchandise could be sold to recover some money. Popularity polls and audience voting through social media and news channels could keep the hype going.

But this is just the beginning. Our temple of democracy has so much more potential. The drama and hype we’re subjected to every day could be used to make Parliamentary disruptions better commerce than a working Parliament.

Prerna Jain is a photographer and has published a coffee table book on birds.