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Area Woman Thinks Elitist Matrimony Ad Is Not Elitist Enough

For ten thousand rupees, we deserve a Harvard alumnus, or at least a King’s College graduate.

For once, The Hindu has published something entertaining for its readers, even if it was just an advertisement. On the front page of the Bengaluru edition of the coveted newspaper, appeared an ad for “The Grand National Young Achievers Matrimony Meet”. It invited ‘young achievers’, who, as per the definition, are people who have graduated from colleges like IITs and IIMs, successful entrepreneurs, and “beautiful girls”. Sapoots of “ultra-rich” families can also register by paying a higher fee. There are no educational requirements for them, because paisa. Lazy and kanjoos people can sit at home in their pyjamas and have their ‘profiles’ displayed at the event, for a much smaller fee.

As elitist as this entire affair sounds, it is very poorly thought out. Why have only IITs and IIMs been explicitly mentioned? I went to an elite law school, thanks to my parents, and I can guarantee that law colleges are just as elite, exclusive, and proud of it. You can’t even take a piss there without having to wipe some second generation lawyer’s DNA off of the toilet seat first. Throw a stone, hit an IAS or IPS officer’s son (hence, resist the urge to throw stones). Nobody asks, “Tu janta hai mere baap kaun hai?” in law colleges because everyone already knows everyone else’s fathers, mothers and grandfathers. Lawyers all over the country are outraged that after them having concentrated generations’ worth of privilege, people still say ‘IITs and IIMs’ and forget to mention NLUs in the same breath. Were all those unpaid internships and subsequent jobs, that we landed with the help of our contacts, worth nothing?

And what about those Young Achievers who have achieved a generous funding from their parents to pursue an education abroad? Any woman who lives in the general vicinity of an IIT or an IIM has to merely open Tinder and she will have her profile ‘super liked’ by at least half a dozen of those boys, for free. For ten thousand rupees, we deserve a Harvard alumnus, or at least a King’s College graduate.

Assuming that I am a Young Achiever as per the aforementioned definition, I am appalled for several other reasons. Do these people think matrimony is as simple as getting rich people in a room together and expecting them to hit it off? The grass could be green and the girls might be pretty, but what about kundlis? If I am expected to pay as much as a month’s rent to attend the event, I better not be bumping into any manglik boys. My parents didn’t pay for an expensive coaching class and a steep college fee to have their daughter’s ass be dead within a year of her marriage. And I am sure that the prospective grooms feel the same way. Who is in-charge of making sure that all these beautiful (gori) girls don’t have a kali zubaan? I do hope that at least the seating at the event is according to the expected dahej amount. I do not want to embarrass my parents, by ending up at the table of a groom they can’t afford.

If you’re not a “beautiful girl”, don’t be discouraged because the organisers have published an apology today, admitting that the phrase, “beautiful girls”, was in bad taste. In their view, this is the only thing, in this entire affair, which demands an apology. The meet up is just one of the activities that “Young Achievers Matrimony” carries out. The agency is in the full-time business of arranging rich people’s marriages. Sreeram, who runs this agency, has justified this exclusivity by saying that his rich clients keep asking for brides and grooms from elite institutions. He is a mere supplier of the demand. And I believe him. Marriages in this country are a grand networking affair, aimed at further solidifying caste and class privilege. Our families have already been doing a solid job at keeping this endogamous system running. And I have full faith that my generation will carry this torch forward, with or without the middlemen.

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