May a good source be with you.

Only An Idiot Will Believe Modi Government Is Not Corrupt

The proof is in the cow dung.

I’m waiting patiently for the World Health Organisation to announce their latest findings: a sharp increase in the number of blind and deaf people in India. People who just cannot see how corrupt the BJP under PM Modi and BJP party president Shah is. And so deaf that they cannot hear rumblings and grumblings from people with normal hearing abilities — I’m afraid even industrial strength Soliwax drops won’t clear their ears.

On the bright side, if we extract all that ear wax and eye discharge, we can (and must) make a statue of the current PM that is taller than Mount Everest. Add a load of bullshit/cow dung and it would be a fitting tribute.

Take Modi’s right hand man (and one time toe-kisser in old photographs I have seen) Amit Shah. The man’s wallet is far fatter than he is. He throws crores around like it’s tacky confetti. Unfortunately, none of that money finds its way into our bank accounts (as promised by Modi in the run up to the 2014 elections). This is not a pretty picture, but I can imagine a loin-cloth clad Shah doing a Scrooge McDuck: diving into a Olympic-size swimming pool filled with money, splashing about and hollering to Piyush Goyal (acting Finance Minister aka the goose who laid golden eggs for Shah’s son Jay) to make more for him. Remember, Jay Shah’s pathetic loss-making company, Temple Enterprise Private Ltd? The turnover increased 16,000 times over in the year following the election of Modi as prime minister and the elevation of Jay’s daddy to the post of party president, according to filings with the Registrar of Companies (RoC). He’s now 80.5 crore richer, to be precise, woo hoo!

The curious case of Jay Shah’s riches is just one little example of blatant corruption: many people close to Modi and Shah have become richer since 2014.

Demonetisation was a big secret — but only for us. The friends knew well in advance. Paytm is just one little example: They were ready with full page ads of the Dear Leader in his model avatar jeering at fools (i.e us). Big time loan defaulters like Vijay Mallya, Mehul Choksi and Nirav Modi who fled India could only have got away through connivance. I’m dead certain that mandatory chai-paani funds for their smooth escapes wasn’t paid to lowly passport officials.

No wonder it’s so easy for the BJP to form governments even when the party loses elections. In fact, the word that went around after the Karnataka elections is that certain MLAs were offered 100 crore to join the BJP. And what about all those murder witnesses who change their statements after Shah sends them threats and/or promises of wealth?

There are lots of questions that need answers, none of which we’re getting. Like, for example:

Why did industrialist Ratan Tata rush to the RSS headquarters in Nagpur when he had that much-publicised fall out with Cyrus Mistry? I can assure you that it wasn’t because of this sudden overpowering urge to drink steaming hot, fresh gau mutra straight from a cow.

Why does India’s richest industrialist Mukesh Ambani need special tax exemptions for the Jio institute? What’s more puzzling is why Jio Institute has been certified as an ‘Institute of Eminence’ even before it has been set up. Is it because Modi wants to thank Mukesh Bhai for using him as a model in his earlier Jio ads? Or can Stephanie Meyer’s ‘Twilight’ series tell us something about why Mukesh Bhai won’t get his two super sharp, protruding front teeth filed?

Why did the Supreme Court use all its might to squash allegations of the mysterious death of Judge Loya like it was a pesky housefly? Why did certain people who Loya confided in about Shah’s threats die under mysterious circumstances too? Surely it wasn’t Loya’s ghost pushing them off buildings or throwing them under trains?

Why did Jayant Sinha, an IIT, Harvard Business School and Mc Kinsey alumnus, garland members of a lynch mob that killed an Indian citizen when they were out on bail? This lack of respect for rule of law amounts to moral corruption.  Is it because no amount of education in the world can wipe out propaganda? Or is it because Jayant Sinha wants to please his masters like my dog Lola used to do (she would lay pigeons savaged by her teeth at my feet)?

There are many more unasked questions and many more sinister plots out there — I’m just throwing a few already out-in-the-open cases at you. Only so you know that the next time some idiot swears that the Modi government is as pure as cow dung, you rub their noses in it. Cow dung, that is. Just do it!

Rupa Gulab is a Mumbai-based freelance writer and columnist, and the author of Girl Alone and Chip of the Old Blockhead.

(The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not reflect the views of the NewsCentral24x7.)