Veere Di Vagina
The ultimate democratizer is that at some point or another, a girl’s gonna take matters into her own hands.
Let’s be honest. For the most part, the average male is not particularly invested in the female orgasm. It’s only a very recent assertion that the female orgasm is not some strange thing that happens because women are all hysterical, and the jury is still suspicious on what exactly is going on in a vagina, so what have we ladies had to do? Look for the helping hand at the end of our own arms. And most recently, Swara Bhaskar had the temerity to do it on a screen, sabke saamne, and in breaking news shocking the nation – girlfriend came.
All sanskaari naaris let out a single gasp, clutched their mangalsutras and instinctively plucked their eyes out. Their husbands quake. Their mothers faint. Their children instantly decided to study arts instead of engineering.
The thing is na, we don’t do this in Indian culture. We have the shivaling, and around it is a yoni, but it is distinctly around a shivaling, and not going around ignoring its husband who has brought flowers and all. We read our Cosmo, wax our pussies, and need to go get our hair and nails done – okay the boys aren’t paying attention anymore. Girlfriends, we need to talk to each other about how we wank.
One girl I know talked about how one time she put a pestle to more inventive use. Grind, baby, grind. (She put a condom on it – like, we like spicy sex lives, but not that much also.) Another one was banging the baingan. Nivea deodorant bottles (small). The handle of a hairbrush. The slightly terrifying ‘back massagers’ you can buy from dildo galli near Flora Fountain, where you might run the risk of electrocution – but some people can be into that, haan. And fancier ladies have their pick of what’s on the web – you’ve got rabbits, vibes, stuff for the back door, and stuff just for the doorbell. Sometimes you gotta get a bullet for your valentine. And this adorable piece of peak human ingenuity is something you can plug into your comp’s USB port when you’re feeling really attached to your laptop.
The ultimate democratizer is that at some point or another, a girl’s gonna take matters into her own hands. We’ve all heard about the boys wet dreams – but listen, all of us also had our first moment under the covers where we made ourselves feel really good. It didn’t even have to involve an orgasm. Who decided that just because you couldn’t see it in phallic format, it wasn’t there? For gods sake, the clit, which is ours, is an actual body part that serves no other function than to give us pleasure. 80% of women don’t even orgasm with penetrative sex because our bodies weren’t actually designed with keeping penises in mind.
Pleasure always belonged to all of us, was our birthright too. It’s written into the DNA that grows our bodies to have bare skin that demands touching, and the first person to touch you was always going to be yourself.
The audacity of a woman pleasuring herself unabashedly is a radical act, but make no mistake, the radical part is that we saw it – it has always happened, and will always happen.
So ladies. You do you. All day, every day, and twice on Sundays. Your body is yours, your pleasure is your own, and anyone who tells you otherwise probably needs to just go rub one out too. They say find what you love and let it kill you, so chase that petit mort and never let it go.
A ladies man, a man’s man, a man about town – but a girl. Sexy Sadie talks about the birds and the bees and the educated fleas – all the good things, and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex.