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Why Did Narendra Modi Become Prime Minister? The Truth is Out

Ever since he was an ordinary chief minister in an average state, a young Modi had only one dream.

Ever since he was an ordinary chief minister in an average state, a young man named Narendra Modi had only one dream: one day, he would be at the top of the film industry. One day, he would rule Bollywood. But it was a tough dream. After all, people who did not have wealthy film industry parents seldom fared well in the Maximum City. And for reasons unknown, adopting the surname “Khan” — a sure-shot road to success in the film industry — did not quite fly with him.

Apart from that, a supposedly “liberal” space, the Bollywood fraternity would have found it a tad difficult to see him in a positive light — the chief minister, for some odd reason, had developed a sort of negative reputation around him ever since 2002. Modi could only wonder what it was.

How then is a young, ambitious man supposed to conquer Bollywood, wondered young Narendra, sitting in his Gujarat office. And suddenly, it hit him.

Who did Bollywood stars love to suck up to more than bigger and wealthier Bollywood stars? To powerful politicians, of course! And that is when Modi decided that he had to be the most powerful one. If Manmohan Singh were the “accidental prime minister”, he’d be the “incidental” one. And he’d be the one they’d all know and remember.

Cut to 2019, Prime Minister Modi had finally achieved it all. Thanks to his party’s (and the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh’s) fascist, anti-minority policies, the more “actor” actors could not seem to stop criticising him. Modi still secretly smiles knowing that Naseeruddin Shah knows who he is; oh how much he loved him in A Wednesday.

And thanks to him being the ever so in-the-news PM, all other Bollywood people want to cosy up to him now. Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas just had to have him at their wedding. Akshay Kumar, Canada’s finest Bollywood export, regularly talks to him as they discuss the many nationalistic avenues Akshay could explore in his future films. And today, Karan Johar, Ranveer Singh, Rajkumar Rao, Rohit Shetty, Alia Bhatt, Bhumi Pednekar, Aasyuhman Khurana, Ranbir Kapoor, Siddharth Malhotra, Varun Dhawan, Vicky Kaushal and more streamed into New Delhi, only to meet him.

Narendra Modi, now with two biopics on the way, is a happy man. He would have been happier if Salman Khan, instead of Vivek Oberoi, played his role, but that’s beside the point. Modi’s tenure is his CV — he has done some excellent acting in the last four years — and what producer, director or writer can now say no to him?

(This is a work of satire)

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